Angela Lin
“Loneliness is serious”
We were having a hot discussion on a problem that everyone might have faced before. “Why is our race such a minority in my school? I don’t feel like fitting in and I can’t make any friends,” my best friend Yumi said with a disappointed voice.
We were sitting at a famous diner in the city talking amongst ourselves, wondering about our lives at College. We were all friends from high school, since we graduated all of us have gone to different colleges but it seems like we are all facing a similar problem now. Yumi was one of my best friends in high school and she is really bothered by the issue, feeling miserable.
You may be surprised to hear that but college is not only about learning. It is a stepping stone for students before they get into the real world. In the real world, having a great ability to socialize is also very important in any kind of career.
But that changes when the college you attend does not seem to represent you or your culture. “Me too, 80% of the students in my school are all Spanish and I don’t know how to make friends with them,” another friend at our table said.
Everyone including myself seems to have similar feelings about this problem and is miserable about how to find a solution to it. We all missed the past time in high school when there were so many familiar friends in every class. Making friends was never a problem back in that time but now it is a challenge for us to fit in.
Our conversation made me wonder whether other students are feeling something similar like us. Is this a common issue for students like us, going to colleges for the first time? So I conducted a set of short interviews with students from different colleges, and it seems like we are not alone. There are so many others that have the same feeling.
My first interview was with a Chinese freshman student from Lehman College, Anson Hang. Who was also facing a very difficult time making friends due to his situation.
“My family has experienced a very special time because of covid,” he said. “My grandmother left due to covid and that put our family into depression for a while. I grew up with my grandmother so it was a really hard time for me to recover from the huge sadness. I dropped school for a year but still decided to come back to finish my degree. After coming back I felt very left out and I don’t have much confidence,” said Anson.
Anson was very worried about whether he could catch up with the classes that he missed. “I felt that I’m behind everything, it seems like normal college life is very far away from me, ” said Anson.
Lack of self-confidence was the main reason why Anson was having such a difficult time making friends on campus but Anson was very willing to ask for help. He chose to start by making friends in online programs and he also went to tutor classes on campus to get caught up on what he missed. The tutor teachers and his friends also gave Anson lots of encouragement and confidence for him to communicate with people in person.
“I can feel the improvements every day, not only in socializing but also my progress in classes,” said Anson.
Anson is another student living and attending a college where he is in the minority. He doesn’t see himself in his college’s student body and therefore needs help. People like Anson need help with knowing how to reach out for help.”
Not all of us know the best way to ask for help but a simple online search can provide great solutions to your issue. According to author Kenneth C. Petress, “Lastly, advisors are friends. Students typically enter college fearful, lonely, away from home, confused, in a strange environment, and in need of an anchor, their advisor, to provide stability, assurance, consistency, an outlet for frustrations, someone to hear them out and to answer questions, and a source of confidential guidance, affirmation, and support.” This provides a helpful solution to deal with our issue, try to tell your issue to a more experienced adult. Such as your advisor, they might help you more than you think.
Vivian Bao, a senior Chinese student at Stony Brook. She was also bothered by finding herself as a minority in her college but she overcame it and wanted to share her voice with us. “It may be hard in the beginning but what you might not know is that it [club socializing] is a great opportunity for you to learn how to jump out of your comfort zone. Feeling uncomfortable is not always a bad thing and people can improve their social communication skills when in a region that they are not familiar with, said Vivian. “Try to join clubs or meet with a professor that you feel comfortable with to discuss how to meet new people. This kind of problem may also be happening in the future in your workplace, so learning how to deal with different people helps in our future career also.”.
Yumi strongly agrees about the point that stepping out of your comfort zone is a very important process that can’t be ignored in learning how to adapt to the new college environment.
Although joining a club is a great solution, it is not the only one. “I’ve never known that we have a Chinese club on our campus,” said Wang Chen Lin, a sophomore at Queen’s college. He said that about 50% of the students in Queens college were all Chinese but he still felt very lonely when he was a freshman.
“People feel lonely due to many reasons. I guess it’s just a kind of feeling that everyone might have when they join a new environment. I was having a hard time finding out what club I wanted to join so instead I went for a peer out program and made friends there, Said Wang Chen.
There are multiple ways to deal with loneliness, if one of them is not your type then try new paths on the road. You can even have your own technique if you know yourself very well. Others might give suggestions but the only person that can really help is yourself. Taking actions is always better than only thinking. The first step to reach out is hard but after overcoming it, you will find yourself stronger than you thought.
A couple days after our conversation at [place], Yumi started to ask about the clubs in her college. She was surprised by how many clubs there were in her school. Almost every kind of usual interest and so many kinds of culture groups.
At that moment she was even wondering if it is possible to join more than one club! But considering the ability to keep up with classes she gave up that thought and lastly, she joined a Chinese student club.
She talked with the leader of the CSSA [Chinese Students and Scholars Association], Yu Bai. “Our club is not only about Chinese students gathering together for fun activities, instead we have lots of charity events each semester. Our goal is to help others and also let more people know about our culture. Some work may be required but I promise they are all very meaningful activities. So if you are interested we are more than welcome for you to join our club,”
She also showed some pictures of the charity events that they did before. On Thanksgiving they were performing publicly to earn money and donated all to teenage charity. Yumi was very touched by the images that she saw.
Everyone has to deal with those similar kinds of problems in their daily lives and look for solutions to them. Yumi joined the Chinese student club. She joined events and activities that the club set up and she made lots of new friends.
One day when we were having lunch together I wondered how she felt about joining the club. She said with excitement “Can you believe I’m starting to make friends with my Spanish classmates too! I guess it wasn’t that hard when I felt comfortable in the environment”.
Yumi talked about how she was working together with other members of the club to build a charity event to help kids that are homeless. “I felt so glad and so proud of myself when I was helping others, that was a kind of feeling that I never had before,” Said Yumi with a big smile on her face. It was also the first time that I heard her saying “proud of myself”, and I could see that she was having a good time.
Joining clubs might benefit everyone in different ways but it is a very good way to deal with loneliness. “Unfortunately not all people have a chance to know more about the clubs on their campus. I think that if all schools would have someone coming in to have an introduction about it, I can’t even think how many people it would help,” said Yumi in a tone of pity.
In that point I agree with Yumi, if all schools would give 10-15 minutes in class to introduce the clubs to students, then the problem with loneliness would be much better. Also having a care program or counseling office for the students that are having a difficult time fitting in would help.
Taking time to care for our tenagers is very important. Giving them enough attention might save them from depression. According to author Zixun Chen, Jinwen Li, JinMeng Li, and Xia Liu, “NSSI refers to an act of direct and deliberate destruction of body tissue without the intent to commit suicide and is distinguished from reckless or careless behavior that may indirectly result in bodily harm [2, 3]. Such behavior frequently occurs among university students [4, 5]. For instance, a recent study found that nearly 22% of Chinese college students reported having engaged in NSSI in the past year [6].” This statement shows that students need to have more attention to avoid this large amount of students engaging to harm themselves.
Even though many colleges have already started focusing on this issue, more improvements can be done. According to author Jane Clark Schari, “Depression among college students has increased 200 percent in the past fifteen years.6 In the 2017-2018 school year, the Center for Collegiate Mental Health (CCMH) reported that nearly 180,000 college students at 152 universities sought counseling for mental health reasons.” Actions need to be done to prevent this amount of increase to continue. So as long as this issue is being taken seriously, it should be treated seriously too.
Citation:
Petress, K. C. (1996). The multiple roles of an undergraduate’s academic advisor. Education, 117(1), 91+.
https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A18960226/AONE?u=cuny_ccny&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=d0b0d4f9
Work cited: According to author Kenneth C. Petress, “Lastly, advisors are friends. Students typically enter college fearful, lonely, away from home, confused, in a strange environment, and in need of an anchor, their advisor, to provide stability, assurance, consistency, an outlet for frustrations, someone to hear them out and to answer questions, and a source of confidential guidance, affirmation, and support.”
Reason: I choose to cite this work because it is giving some really good advice on how advisors are there to help any student. It gives students information on what their advisor can do for them and it is a really good way if they need someone to talk to or when they are confused about something.
Chen, Z., Li, J., Liu, J., & Liu, X. (2022). Adverse childhood experiences, recent negative life events, and non-suicidal self-injury among Chinese college students: the protective role of self-efficacy. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 16(1), NA. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A728803054/AONE?u=cuny_ccny&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=570b1e71
Work cited: According to author Zixun Chen, Jinwen Li, JinMeng Li, and Xia Liu, “NSSI refers to an act of direct and deliberate destruction of body tissue without the intent to commit suicide and is distinguished from reckless or careless behavior that may indirectly result in bodily harm [2, 3]. Such behavior frequently occurs among university students [4, 5]. For instance, a recent study found that nearly 22% of Chinese college students reported having engaged in NSSI in the past year [6].”
Reason: I chose to cite from this article because I believe it is a very serious problem showing from the data that we need to focus on teenage students’ mental health problems. This statement tells the fact that nearly 22% of Chinese students are having trouble with mental health, which is really a very high percentage for just one race of students. So I want my readers to know the importance of the issue and also give them some basic knowledge about the NSSI.
Scharl, J. C. (2020). Lonely and Scared: College Students’ Culture of Immaturity. Academic Questions, 33(1), 71+.
https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A616358997/AONE?u=cuny_ccny&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=e90c79be
Work Cited: According to author Jane Clark Schari, “Depression among college students has increased 200 percent in the past fifteen years.6 In the 2017-2018 school year, the Center for Collegiate Mental Health (CCMH) reported that nearly 180,000 college students at 152 universities sought counseling for mental health reasons.”
Reason: I chose to cite this data from the article because it tells a percentage increase that shows that the situation is deteriorating rapidly. The statement tells the fact that depression has increased 200% in the past 15 years. Which is an incredible amount that should be stopping to increase and start to decrease. More people should know about which way this situation is going if no change or improvement is being made. It is a much more serious problem that all parents should pay attention to.
